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If the shed’s a-jammin’, don’t on laptop Discovery that Vulakh’s mug is supply of linear polarizing filters, filled with water results in disap- shares the wealth.
April 1, 2012
Volume 91
Dropout witnesses the Second tronics homework assignment in Coming of Our Savior James the form of interpretive dance.
Baker. And the third. And the Happenings
fourth. (Unfortunately she fell “I love this wonderful new build- Cooper Union Track Team gets CivE finds concrete reason to asleep from blissful exhaustion ing!” claims eager-to-please yet before she could bring about the inept freshman. running express between Mecha- Computer Center gives up Lent Lenny Tevlin last seen filling out Cooper’s ashes. tronics to Design and Prototyp- for Lent.
Irony abounds as NSBE hosts a changes motto to “Pedicabo Ego date auction [in which men were Vos et Irrumabo.” en], SWE hosts a bake sale, and School of Art enters 153rd year Intervarsity hosts a witch hunt of war against logic.
(food will be provided). Professor Wolf accumulates clares aghast but no-longer-hun- graduate degrees at a rate of 3 gry sophomore.
(a) How long until he runs out of Frankie’s opens barbershop; (b) How long until he is actually nior class disappears.
Class, Professor unperturbed by nally granted tenure.
Flow as new Copper Onion Professor Kirtman shows up polarizers, a flashlight, a green Scandalous photographs from filter, and a hit of acid. Derive Professor Wolf ’s college days first Poker Team, but always Professor Fontaine covers entire folds.
Safety Mike hosts cooking class laborates with School of Archi- Professor Grossman discovers A word to Prof. Uglesich from How many sheds could a Jam- try something other than tobac- shed jam if a Jamshed could co. Are you feeling hungry? I’m Student successfully stays awake Student body: cashier at Panya Sexy Cooper Questions blog re- Student accidentally submits vealed to be co-authored by Jar- MATLAB assignment on time. 15 students reduced to partial leaves 1,000 condoms in 5th floor fractions in tragic signals home- men’s room. Two end up being Misguided sophomore attempts “slip ‘n slide stairs” project, result- to take Laplace transform of ing in two deaths, one paralysis, Zeta Psi, accidentally transforms and a damn good time for all in- Hillel’s Purim Party gate-crashed Homework atrocious, claims fac- by Intervarsity’s Crusade Cel- ulty.
Tuition instated, life doesn’t end.
Professor Cumberbatch perfects says student.
The Cooper Community
The Cooper Community
on the Financial Crisis
on the New Sweatshirts
Professor Srubshchik, after weeks of probability calculation, propos- “Ugh, they make it feel like we’re in NYU.” – Student who secretly es the purchasing of $1,000,000 of lottery tickets per year.
Professor Grossman proposes that Cooper instate tuition so she can “I love how they make it feel like we’re in a real college like NYU or afford an even nicer podium and PowerPoint 2011.
something.” – Student who doesn’t fully understand the concept of “They make the school very confusing” – Red-green colorblind stu- Professor Agrawal sells 12-volume collection of his life stories.
Art students write protest songs that all sound eerily similar to “GO MAROON and GOLD!” – Misguided follower of Dean Baker “These Cooper students are so spoiled, now.” – Bitter alumnus Engineering students attempt to produce counterfeit money only to realize that the Computer Center’s color printer is backed up.
“What financial crisis?” - Architecture students.
“I’m so glad ESC went with such a creative and original design.” Jolie Harris suggests Cooper students work on their resumés. “What’s up with all these sweatshirts that say ‘Cooper Union’ on After scolding students for having poor analytical skills, Professor Wolf suggests Cooper students take a mandatory Entrepreneurship class to put their brilliant minds to work.
“ESC is happy to give the Cooper community such a nice gift” – Stu- dent in charge of raising money for the ESC party Professor Buckley suggests selling audio recordings of himself Former President Campbell asks his biological twin Mitt Romney to The Cooper Community
on the Foosball Table
Naive freshmen art students attempt to sell their own art and raise $23.89.
“I think it’s really funny when people are giving tours and all the hopeful high-schoolers look on and think Cooper is going to be an Current President Jamshed proposes an intricate, thoughtful and even remotely enjoyable experience.” – Jaded senior-year electrical creative five-year plan only to be literally crucified by the alumni.
engineering student who hates Cooper but loves complaining about it Professor Uglesich DJ’s a 12-hour drum-and-bass set with lighting provided by Professor Risbud’s DLD class.
“I was Cal-Tech’s foosball champion.” – Professor Uglesich Intervarsity members host bi-weekly prayer sessions to scare away “It makes Frankie’s lounge really loud and I can’t study there any- Professor Cumberbatch suggests resorting to natural lighting in the NAB.
“It’s the best thing to happen to Cooper in years.” – THAT guy Professor Guido in favor of cutting electives in order to make sched- Buildings and grounds decide to make the NAB colder (60 degrees) “Foosball? I am not interested in such things.” - Professor Agrawal in winters and warmer in summers (80 degrees).
“These Cooper students are so spoiled, now.” – Bitter alumnus Professor Kolack does more paid appearances on the Tyra Banks “It helps me finally meet all the upperclassmen.” – Social-climbing Professor Lima suggests opening a CU laser cutting sweatshop.
“Play less, work more.” – Professor Wolf Cryptoquote
A Cryptoquote is an encoded quote. It is encoded such that each and every occurrence of a letter is substituted with a different letter of the alphabet. Using clues such as frequency of occurrence The Cooper
and placement, the original quote can be found. For instance, the word XBDIKCXXBZ could be deciphered to reveal the word LONGFELLOW. AKXI NELSND ITH SLENZ S XKS OEID KNGL AIWSU – BNADWE IU APQ DMBHJ EWI OWLZNGUW – OALMC COMING SOON!

Source: http://pioneer.cooper.edu/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/The-PAWN-Volume-91-Issue-11.5.pdf